an appeal to the silent

This is a call to all those who don’t care.

I am appealing to you because you are the one I need.


We need you.


By we I mean your lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans family members. Even if we have never met or if we have, even if we never acknowledge it.


You don’t care, but it’s not because you’re mean-spirited or because you don’t have a conscience. It’s just not that important to you. While everyone else has something to say or gossip about on the matter, for you, it’s just not worth the energy because you’ve got way more on your plate… in your life… on your mind to pay much attention to this.


I appeal to you because your silence on this matter is so much louder and impactful than I can explain to you. You hold the key to changing hearts and minds… and if nothing, else, saving my life. Your neutrality on my non-heteronormativity is going to save my parents the worry, the shame, the sadness and pain that comes with wondering, worrying, fretting, crying over what everyone else thinks about their deviant daughter. Their greatest fear is that everyone will care but honestly, you and I know both know that it’s not really true.


Life, people, our culture, evolves, blends, shifts… the crux of who we are remains. Our history remains, our richness is unflinching and you and I are willing to make the space to hold, accept and love those of us who aren’t following the traditions exactly the way our ancestors did.


We know what it can feel like to not have a place in society, to not fit in, to be denied, dismissed and even mocked… and so I ask you to start saying why you don’t care instead of remaining silent.


I ask you to stop being silent to tell those in y/our family to tell them: why it’s no big thing to you. How did you get to where you are?


I ask this of you because even if you are on my side, when you don’t speak up, you’re not caring for me. Even if you think you are. I need others to hear from you on why my being queer isn’t a personal issue you to. Because the truth is, everyone else has their irrational, unrelated reasons about why my personal life has nothing to do with them.

I ask you because I can’t do it alone.

It’s not safe.

It’s isolating.

It’s scary.

This is an appeal to you, my silent family members.

I ask, particularly of other Afghans but each of you, of every background.

Especially you, the Muslim kind the world over.

I’ve been silent for months on our blog, I deleted my tumblr blog because I’m afraid of being found out more. I worry about family in other time zones talking about my personal life and only the homophobes being heard because others are silent.


Before the Out List came out, family members started approaching me about pulling out. I considered it and then I realized, I actually had SO many more aunts and uncles who knew than I EVER imagined. They weren’t disowning me and in fact, I was assured they still loved me, but didn’t want me to be public.

And I started to wonder and think that maybe we were talking about the wrong thing all along… why wasn’t anyone talking about why they still loved me?


If you are reading this, think about who in your life is silent and encourage them to not be silent anymore. Maybe you can send them this?

I also wonder about which of my stealthy family members is reading this (congratulations and welcome to internet; I wish you used it for porn and cats like I do and not searching your cousins). Are you reading this to get dirt? Fuck you?
And you keep reading… maybe to understand a bit more? Maybe curiosity? Maybe because this is a gross and unimaginable possibility and you can’t stop looking anyway?


Regardless, you are here. You and I are doing something that was unimaginable 10, even 5 years ago! Believable it or not, we are both making progress.


And to family who are here, chosen family, family of origin:

I may not being doing life as our ancestors did
I may not even be living life the way we imagined
or how I intended

because there are variables we cannot impact or change:

our loves
our family.

with gratitude,

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