Hello hello all,
The weekend has come and gone and it feels a lot like how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days: present to the speed of human emotions and my humanity.
Even though I haven’t been fasting the last couple of days, I am present to:
– to my hunger and the nourishment of delicious prepared foods
– to my anger at crappy drivers and the frustration of a car tailgating behind me
– my sobriety and the buzz of debauchery
– the empty feeling of missing loved ones and the bursting fullness of my heart
– the sweltering heat of airless subway car and the goosebumps when it’s too cold
This ebb and flow – this give and take is what we are meant to understand during this time, no? And even if understanding is hard to come by, we feel the push and pull.
What I love most about Terna in every moment is that she is able to remind me that there is a purpose to everything. Something to learn, something to be reminded of (even though I may and always resist it)… that Allah has something I need to listen for.
I get scared of where I go internally sometimes – the far edge of self-hate, -doubt, -deprecation and overall sadness and even anger. I try my best to tap into joy, without it being connected to anything other than a pure and genuine place… but I think I will try my best to feel my beingness as Terna has challenged and to see what opens up.